THE ATTITUDE OF THE TYRANT: HAWAJA

From: Isa'ac John, 4th July,2020.

For long girls and women had to go through series of untold hardship yet the society through the use of an oppressive culture and manipulation of divine scriptures blessed and endorsed that. It was sugar-coated to look like suffering for women  is divinely planned and the only access to the pleasure of God is to willingly  accept humiliation from men and gladly talk-not about them.

This long oppressive system endured because women have from generation to generation been taught and oriented to accept it as a natural rule. A yardstick of identifying a good wife material from a bad and rebellious one was formed using this apparatus. If she obeys without questioning and swallow humiliation without complaining, she is the righteous one. The one who questions the rationale of subjecting women to physical and psychological harm is tagged as 'stubborn' and 'useless' that no one should marry.

Religion was twisted to bless and sanction oppression against the weak and vulnerable. Suffering in silence became the life-story of many women including the one writing this piece. Many fathers gave no attention to the female child, the mothers too believing her being worthless forever chanted that to her. Decisions on her life were always taken on her behalf without recourse to what she wants or dislikes. The youngest son in the house could slap the eldest woman in that household. Every male child had the license to speak rudely to the women around him his mother Inclusive.

In marriage, she is prepared to only listen and obey at all time. Her opinion on matters are never soughted. Her long stay in the marriage doesn't distinguish her from the young women in the house her daughters Inclusive. The man (husband) screams at her and the children and can even attribute their mistake to come from the mother because of how stupid she is. Some mothers are beaten and thrown out in disgrace. The neighbours who come to rescue often will ask the wife what wrong she committed. While the wife is sobbing, the men will take the husband out and say to him: " Please pardon her for whatever mistake she did. All women are devils and you have to just learn to tolerate them otherwise, the temptation to beat them to death is always there".

After the drama of rebuking the beaten wife and placating the abusive husband, the humiliated wife is advised to ask for pardon. She goes back trying to please him and the man will dare say: "next time it will be worse than this" The husband is ever right even if he elopes with the neighbours daughter and the wife forever at fault. He kills her, the society will plead with her family to forgive him and the next day he gets married to a woman within his neighborhood. She kills him, the whole world will curse her and call for her head even if it was done in defence of self. Men, the landlords of our world.

Tired of being violated, she seeks for divorce, the whole world would turn against her. How can she ask for divorce when her mother lived under worse situation and all her married sisters are never better. She is reminded of her friends who endured violence, some lost their sanity while other died in the process, but the consoling thing is God will reward them for their patience. They will preach to you, That Jannah is created to admit only women who pleasantly endured marrital abuse and humiliation. Endorsement of marital abuse in exchange for Jannah - lies against Allah. But how can women ever know this?

The check on this excesses was supposed to come from within. Those of us who read Islam had and still have the duty to speak against it and frown. We were supposed to endlessly preach against SGBV on our Manabir(podiums)  and organize reorientation for boys and men against such Pre Islamic maltreatment of girls and women. We were supposed to sanction whoever abuse his wife. We were suppose to deny him leadership in our gatherings until he repents and changes his style.

We were not supposed to tell the women to bear the burden that such abuse and humiliations come with. Our Sharia Courts can do better on Family Law by ensuring that justice is done for women seeking divorce or child custody and welfare. There was silence from many quarters and all these Ills looked like normal and acceptable. Even when Quran and the Prophet admonished against maltreatment of women and respect for their persons, many disregarded that and took to 'use and dump' attitude.

Today, more women are becoming empowered educationally and financially. They are becoming exposed to other cultures and the global struggle for self emancipation. Today, girls and women are doing self appraisal and many are not willing to be subdued by culture of silence over pain and sorrow. Women now are speaking up. They are saying, no to all the long and protracted violence of Sexual and physical Assault against them.

Unfortunately, instead of the knowledgeable ones among the men to validate the concern of women and say that yes things have really been bad and you have been treated unfairly, and it is time to sit and together find a workable solution so that Peace will reign in our world again, No, they took to confrontation and name calling. Some saying, this is 'kufr' while others are saying it is sheer frustration especially those who can't find a husband. I say, yes, it is frustration. Yes, it is frustration of the long suffering mentally and physically of girls and women in the hands of those designated to be our custodians and protectors. Yes, women are frustrated by the sheer Irresponsibility of those who Allah charged with the responsibility of maintaining them through provision of welfare. Yes, women are frustrated of having to now be the submissive wife at the same time the provider for the husband and his children. Yes, women are frustrated by the incessant manipulation of the Religion of Allah to justify those rot. Come clean and preach Islam. Yes, call to Allah and not to your tyrant selves. 

Engage, women constructively by speaking truth and advocating for justice and fairness  to them, otherwise just keep quiet, for there is anger in the land and the tide is strong and only TRUTH can tame it!

Khadijah Hawaja, Is a social media commentator and activist writes from Kaduna State.

04-07-2020